My rabbi always used to caution me during my bat mitzvah lessons, "Whoa, whoa, don't let your tongue get in front of your eye teeth! You won't be able to see what you're saying!" I'll admit, I haven't always listened to that advice. I talk loudly and quickly, which often gets me into tight spots, even when it comes to easy words. I just can't force them out.
Today, I was discussing West Chester's Old-Fashioned Christmas parade with my friend Oj, a history major. As usual, I was complaining about Christmas. That's when the trouble began.
"I'm not going to the Old-Fasssssh... Old-Fssh... Old-Fascist-- Fsssssssh... Fshfshfsh... Old-Fashioned Christmas parade."
Oj stared at me, then broke out laughing.
Chagrined, I muttered, "What the hell is an Old-Fascist Christmas parade anyway?"
"German," Oj chirped. I mimed a quick goose-step, then we carried on with the conversation.
Oh, sure, it's fine when I screw up in front of my friends, but I know I'm going to make myself look like a total idiot in Scotland. I really need to get my entire life scripted.
K.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tell the World to Stop Turning
I've held off a little on this post because I'm not totally sure how I feel about this year's Thanksgiving vacation. Why I stopped writing because I had a less than satisfying break is beyond me, but it doesn't take much to throw me off of my groove.
It's an annual family tradition to go to Chincoteague, VA over Thanksgiving. As geeky as it sounds, I belong to a family of passionate birdwatchers. My father, for example, can identify a shoveler from a distance, without binoculars, and staring into the setting sun. Try it, it's not easy. As for me, I'm dedicated enough to let Dad convince me to wake up at five in the morning to listen to the ducks wake up. It's not the most exciting hobby, but water fowl make me smile, I guess.
Over the twenty-one years I've been going to Chincoteague, things have changed. Newer, more modern hotels with heated pools have sprung up around the island's coastline, overshadowing our little motel that features a pool full of micro-organisms and a backyard donkey. More corporation-owned businesses are entering the little town in an attempt to take advantage of the summer tourist season. It's progress and I understand that. I also understand that such decisions that affect the island are not mine to make; the islands need to do what's best for them.
Even with this understanding, this year's vacation was hard. First, my brother and my father could not attend due to a college showcase soccer tourney in northern New Jersey. Mom and I shared the large suite that usually seems cramped when it holds the four of us, but seemed cavernous with only two. It was the first Thanksgiving without Dad, but it was my brother's presence that I missed the most. Sometimes it's nice to have someone in your age bracket to talk to.
Second, the donkey behind the hotel was particularly active this year. I have never seen this animal and have only known of his presence through his early morning braying, which always seemed harmless. This year, the donkey was shrieking (and I do mean shrieking) far into the night and early morning, making sleeping in my room impossible. My nights were spent huddling next to my mother in her double bed, enduring snoring that was at least more familiar than a possessed barn animal.
Third, the internet cafe downtown decided to close for the holidays, leaving my shaking for a connection like a junkie for a hit. I still have tremors.
Fourth, our motel will probably not be open for Thanksgiving next year. The large hotels attract the families with small children and electricity has gone up 40%, leaving the motel owners to close over the autumn slack. It's not that I blame them; the owners of our motel have two boys to put through college. It's just hard to know that the place you've stayed in for seventeen years won't be there anymore.
Things change, I know. I should look on the bright side... The resturant where we usually eat Thanksgiving dinner wasn't turned into a Waffle House after all. The birds and the ponies are still there. The salt grass will always smell the same (it's one of the three smells I would bottle, along with potato chips and chocolate). And it seems like that donkey will be around as well.
Yes, the bright side is bright, but it's still hard to lose the things you've grown accustomed to in a world that's ever changing.
Sigh.
K.
It's an annual family tradition to go to Chincoteague, VA over Thanksgiving. As geeky as it sounds, I belong to a family of passionate birdwatchers. My father, for example, can identify a shoveler from a distance, without binoculars, and staring into the setting sun. Try it, it's not easy. As for me, I'm dedicated enough to let Dad convince me to wake up at five in the morning to listen to the ducks wake up. It's not the most exciting hobby, but water fowl make me smile, I guess.
Over the twenty-one years I've been going to Chincoteague, things have changed. Newer, more modern hotels with heated pools have sprung up around the island's coastline, overshadowing our little motel that features a pool full of micro-organisms and a backyard donkey. More corporation-owned businesses are entering the little town in an attempt to take advantage of the summer tourist season. It's progress and I understand that. I also understand that such decisions that affect the island are not mine to make; the islands need to do what's best for them.
Even with this understanding, this year's vacation was hard. First, my brother and my father could not attend due to a college showcase soccer tourney in northern New Jersey. Mom and I shared the large suite that usually seems cramped when it holds the four of us, but seemed cavernous with only two. It was the first Thanksgiving without Dad, but it was my brother's presence that I missed the most. Sometimes it's nice to have someone in your age bracket to talk to.
Second, the donkey behind the hotel was particularly active this year. I have never seen this animal and have only known of his presence through his early morning braying, which always seemed harmless. This year, the donkey was shrieking (and I do mean shrieking) far into the night and early morning, making sleeping in my room impossible. My nights were spent huddling next to my mother in her double bed, enduring snoring that was at least more familiar than a possessed barn animal.
Third, the internet cafe downtown decided to close for the holidays, leaving my shaking for a connection like a junkie for a hit. I still have tremors.
Fourth, our motel will probably not be open for Thanksgiving next year. The large hotels attract the families with small children and electricity has gone up 40%, leaving the motel owners to close over the autumn slack. It's not that I blame them; the owners of our motel have two boys to put through college. It's just hard to know that the place you've stayed in for seventeen years won't be there anymore.
Things change, I know. I should look on the bright side... The resturant where we usually eat Thanksgiving dinner wasn't turned into a Waffle House after all. The birds and the ponies are still there. The salt grass will always smell the same (it's one of the three smells I would bottle, along with potato chips and chocolate). And it seems like that donkey will be around as well.
Yes, the bright side is bright, but it's still hard to lose the things you've grown accustomed to in a world that's ever changing.
Sigh.
K.
Monday, November 20, 2006
A Supplication
As my offering to you, oh ye G-d-like readers, I present to you this link, which I hope will fill you with laughter and smiles. Please, oh ye divine entities from the World Wide Web, I beg you to forgive me for my lack of posting. I shall be sure to prostrate myself at your altar more times in the coming week.
K.
K.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Cuteness Factor is Unbearable!
On this windy, rainy day, I present you with this clever little video about a kiwi. Enjoy!
Hmm, damn Mac hates me... we'll fix this later. Just copy and paste the link.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20550
K.
Hmm, damn Mac hates me... we'll fix this later. Just copy and paste the link.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20550
K.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Your Take on This?
The situation:
You are dozing on a couch in your university's newpaper office, trying your damndest to not get any work done. Your cheek is a bit itchy owing to the inferior fabric of the sofa, so you open your eyes in preparation to turn over (you don't know why you always open your eyes before you switch sides; you just do). As your vision becomes clearer, you realize that your line of sight is knee-level to a colleague of yours sitting in the opposite chair. Unfortunately for you, your colleague's knees are splayed wide open, granting you an unobstructed view of places better left unseen.
The problem:
Do you tell your colleague that he has a hole in the crotch of his jeans and let the entire office know that your are looking at his crotch, or do you just let it go, letting your co-worker go all day without knowing that he's showing the world a bit more than he probably wants displayed?
You decide.
K.
You are dozing on a couch in your university's newpaper office, trying your damndest to not get any work done. Your cheek is a bit itchy owing to the inferior fabric of the sofa, so you open your eyes in preparation to turn over (you don't know why you always open your eyes before you switch sides; you just do). As your vision becomes clearer, you realize that your line of sight is knee-level to a colleague of yours sitting in the opposite chair. Unfortunately for you, your colleague's knees are splayed wide open, granting you an unobstructed view of places better left unseen.
The problem:
Do you tell your colleague that he has a hole in the crotch of his jeans and let the entire office know that your are looking at his crotch, or do you just let it go, letting your co-worker go all day without knowing that he's showing the world a bit more than he probably wants displayed?
You decide.
K.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The Other Candidate, The Right Choice
It's only a little after four and you still have plenty of time to get out there and vote!
What? You don't want to? But how could that be?
Oh, politicians. Yeah, I understand. I mean, Republicans are of a corrupt sort and even if Democrats take control of Congress, they wouldn't know what to do with it. It does seem pretty hopeless for the average American.
But, you know, there are other choices. Sure, there are several names on the ballot, but have you taken a look below them. See it? Yep, right there-- "write-in candidate." Pretty cool, huh?
However, just because you have the freedom to doesn't mean you should waste your vote! Vote for someone with a plan! Vote for someone with principles! Vote for someone with charisma!
Vote for me!
What? Why are you laughing? Don't you take me seriously? You haven't even asked me about my platform and you're already discounting me? Oh, what a sad state our country is in.
Listen, I have great ideas! In fact, I guarantee you that I can solve America's international relations nightmare as quick as you please. I have a plan that simply cannot fail. Are you ready for it?
Wooly socks.
Yep, wooly socks. Just hear me out. I promise that this is great stuff.
Why is everyone so mad at each other? The answer is simple: we're all worried and over-stressed. And we all know that stressed people are unreasonable. Now, follow me with this one. Pretend it's a cold day, you've just come home from work after having to struggle to get your car started, and you've found that the roads are near impassable. Now you flop down into a comfortable chair and pull on... what? Oh yes, some wooly socks. What happens then? Why, of course, your stress flees under the unstoppable onslaught of the warm wooly sock. You instantly relax and are able to think clearly.
Now, think about this on a large scale. We sends crates and crates of these wooly socks to Russia, China, and North Korea. They put them on. They instantly become more open to negociation. Pretty cool, huh?
My opponents might scoff at this plan. How, they ask, can we possibly appease those in hot countries with wooly socks? Won't this make them even crankier? Well, if you insist on thinking inside the box, this is a perfectly logical point. However, I already have that covered. You see, for our friends in warmer climes, we simply provide them with wooly sweat bands. I don't know of anything more irritating than trying to get work done while sweat stings your eyes. We may find that the Middle East is a friendlier place when we provide them with a sting-free existance.
My international relations plan is inspired, but I think that you may find my domestic issues plans just as spectacular.
What do we complain about most here? That's easy: a lack of jobs and a failing economy. How do we fix this? Why, with new employment created by the rising wooly socks and sweatbands industry. We need people to shear sheep, card the wool, work the knitting machines, and inspect the results. Money and jobs for everyone!
So, as you enter the booth on this fine Tuesday, please keep in mind that you are not limited to those names written on the ballot. Remember me, your wooly textiles candidate! Victory in 2006!
K.
What? You don't want to? But how could that be?
Oh, politicians. Yeah, I understand. I mean, Republicans are of a corrupt sort and even if Democrats take control of Congress, they wouldn't know what to do with it. It does seem pretty hopeless for the average American.
But, you know, there are other choices. Sure, there are several names on the ballot, but have you taken a look below them. See it? Yep, right there-- "write-in candidate." Pretty cool, huh?
However, just because you have the freedom to doesn't mean you should waste your vote! Vote for someone with a plan! Vote for someone with principles! Vote for someone with charisma!
Vote for me!
What? Why are you laughing? Don't you take me seriously? You haven't even asked me about my platform and you're already discounting me? Oh, what a sad state our country is in.
Listen, I have great ideas! In fact, I guarantee you that I can solve America's international relations nightmare as quick as you please. I have a plan that simply cannot fail. Are you ready for it?
Wooly socks.
Yep, wooly socks. Just hear me out. I promise that this is great stuff.
Why is everyone so mad at each other? The answer is simple: we're all worried and over-stressed. And we all know that stressed people are unreasonable. Now, follow me with this one. Pretend it's a cold day, you've just come home from work after having to struggle to get your car started, and you've found that the roads are near impassable. Now you flop down into a comfortable chair and pull on... what? Oh yes, some wooly socks. What happens then? Why, of course, your stress flees under the unstoppable onslaught of the warm wooly sock. You instantly relax and are able to think clearly.
Now, think about this on a large scale. We sends crates and crates of these wooly socks to Russia, China, and North Korea. They put them on. They instantly become more open to negociation. Pretty cool, huh?
My opponents might scoff at this plan. How, they ask, can we possibly appease those in hot countries with wooly socks? Won't this make them even crankier? Well, if you insist on thinking inside the box, this is a perfectly logical point. However, I already have that covered. You see, for our friends in warmer climes, we simply provide them with wooly sweat bands. I don't know of anything more irritating than trying to get work done while sweat stings your eyes. We may find that the Middle East is a friendlier place when we provide them with a sting-free existance.
My international relations plan is inspired, but I think that you may find my domestic issues plans just as spectacular.
What do we complain about most here? That's easy: a lack of jobs and a failing economy. How do we fix this? Why, with new employment created by the rising wooly socks and sweatbands industry. We need people to shear sheep, card the wool, work the knitting machines, and inspect the results. Money and jobs for everyone!
So, as you enter the booth on this fine Tuesday, please keep in mind that you are not limited to those names written on the ballot. Remember me, your wooly textiles candidate! Victory in 2006!
K.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Pax Romana?
As I finished watching "Rome" today, I got to thinking about world events. I don't know, I guess shows about political intrigue, notions of empire, and the installation of dictators just seem to remind me of today's worldwide political climate. Like it or not, we live in interesting times. We see countries traditionally viewed as enemies procuring nuclear arsenals, tyrants being sentenced to death, and bands of "freedom fighters" out-manuovering powerful governments flashed across the TV screen everyday. It's certainly not boring.
Whatever your view on things, I suggest that you click on my link above and watch "Rome." The acting is amazing, the dialogue is interesting, and the lessons it teaches still relevant today. However, may I suggest that you not watch this at work? That is, unless, your boss has a thing for full-frontal Marc Antony scenes.
Apologies for a crappy post. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say after the elections tomorrow.
K.
Whatever your view on things, I suggest that you click on my link above and watch "Rome." The acting is amazing, the dialogue is interesting, and the lessons it teaches still relevant today. However, may I suggest that you not watch this at work? That is, unless, your boss has a thing for full-frontal Marc Antony scenes.
Apologies for a crappy post. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say after the elections tomorrow.
K.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Dreaming of Heather
So, for those who don't know, I'll be spending my spring semester at the University of Stirling in Scotland. I'm very excited-- or, I would be if I weren't sitting under a huge pile of forms and waivers that I have to sign. At some points, it almost doesn't seem worth it. But then I remember this--
And this--
And this--
Yeah, all that is Stirling, the town where I'll be going to school. The last time I was there was this January, on a quintessentially foggy, Scottish day. The town is cute, but I think the castle is the real jewel.
I'm not sure why I like this castle so much. It could be some residual clan pride (it's a Stewart castle and therefore, in an exceptionally round-about way, mine), the fantastic view, or the cool rock wall that you can walk around. I don't know; it's just cool.
There are all sorts of secret little crannies where, I suppose, some people like to hide things.
Some beautiful stained glass in the main hall, as well.
So, I guess I just have to keep this in mind when I get overwhelmed. I think that I'm going to post some pictures from my UK trip every so often if only to keep myself grinning.
K.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
