Monday, December 31, 2007

Snail Mail Sunday (Done on Monday) #2

Dear Big, Fun, and Scary Goals 2008,

As I always need something to do in life, I've decided to join your noble crew. Here's my list for BSF 2008 awesomeness.

  • Actually attempt NaNoWriMo 2008, not just sign up for it and lose courage before writing a single word.
  • Learn enough Hebrew to puttering around in Israel this summer and be conversational by year's end.
  • Save money for a Scotland spring break. If I don't actually get to Scotland, then at least I have some money.
  • Graduate college.
  • Get a temporary job-- preferably with health insurance.
  • Send something to get published. Poem, short story, essay, anything.
  • Lose 10 pounds. Any more would be icing on the cake that I won't be allowing myself to have. :)
  • Read 17 books from the 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die Spreadsheet. Apparently, I need to read 17 a year in order to complete all 1001, so, here's the beginning.
  • Get my finances in order.
BSF 2008, I hope I'll be able to complete all the goals I set out for this year. 'Cause I want to win, dammit.

Yours truly,

K.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

As I mentioned yesterday, I think I might take up the Big, Fun, Scary Goal Challenge for 2008. It's going to be a year of big changes anyway, so I might as well make it a year to remember. So here's a temporary list-- hopefully I'll have a permanent list before New Years.
  • Actually attempt NaNoWriMo 2008, not just sign up for it and lose courage before writing a single word.
  • Learn enough Hebrew to puttering around in Israel this summer and be conversational by year's end.
  • Save money for a Scotland spring break. If I don't actually get to Scotland, then at least I have some money.
  • Graduate college.
  • Get a temporary job-- preferably with health insurance.
  • Send something to get published. Poem, short story, essay, anything.
  • Lose 10 pounds. Any more would be icing on the cake that I won't be allowing myself to have. :)
I'll add more as I think of it.

K.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Just What I Need

Having met a few people from NaBloPoMo, I thought maybe this challenge might be right up my/our alley.

The Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge by the guy who brought you NaNoWriMo.

Since this isn't the "cancel-my-life-and-worry-about-my-internet-connection" sort of challenge, I just might take this up. Anyone else?

K.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Snail Mail Sunday #1

(The United States Postal Service may be off on Sundays, but that doesn't mean that I can't still write a letter.)

Dear Christmas shoppers (specifically those on Rt. 30 within Lancaster proper),

First, let me wish you a felicitous holiday season. Normally, I'm incredibly annoyed by this point in the year. The Christmas muzak all over the radio and in drugstore has a tendency to wear on my nerves. I honestly don't know how you all can stand it. Is there a gene that makes a constant repetition of "Little Drummer Boy" bearable? Or is it sheer strength of mind? Whatever it is, I envy you. Oddly enough, by staying inside for most of December, I've managed to avoid any sort of Christmas input. So, for once, I am-- dare I say it?-- jolly. Ho. ho. ho.

But that's not what this letter is about. No, I'm really taking time out of my busy schedule to ask you what the hell you all were about on Rt. 30 tonight. I understand that, in the old days, you needed to drive out to shops to snag the perfect Christmas gift, even if you screwed yourself over by procrastinating. But, Christmas shoppers, we have the internet now, with store open 24/7. You can any sort of anything on this wonderful web of ours. With this in mind, I must ask you to show some sense from now on and not venture out on stormy nights for those last minutes gifts, especially if I'm trying to get home. You see, I normally wouldn't have been out at all, but my fridge at school needed to be cleaned, lest I come back from break to find a puddle of veggie mush seeping on to my kitchen floor. My drive back was not pleasant, people. With all of your lane-changing foolishness and general rudeness on the road, I arrived home and had to pry my fingers from the ten-and-two position with my feet. I don't believe that I have blinked at all in the last hour.

My friends, I am not asking for anything outrageous-- just that you vacate an entire highway for just an hour while I try to get back home. I'm sure that's not too much trouble. Oh, and while you're at it, a small gift would be nice-- perhaps an Amazon gift certificate? You wouldn't even have to leave the house for that one.

Thanks and much holiday joy to you all,

K.

PS. And for those of you with a more Hebraic persuasion, could I tempt you with this little morsel?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Barney Cam 2007-- My Tax Dollars at Work

I'm not being particularly original when I say that I'm not a big fan of the current administration. Sure, there are some things that I support, but not many. However, there is one thing that I'm eternally grateful to the White House for...

Barney Cam.

Yes, Barney Cam. I am a sucker that cute little Scottish terrier and his Christmas shenanigans. I giggled when he was discovered playing poker with Ari Fleischer while he was supposed to be decorating the White House ("Ari Fleischer? You don't even work here anymore!") and I scolded while he did all he could to outshine Miss Beazley during her first Christmas.

This year was no different, though I was a little disappointed to see politics brought into it. For example:

Secretary of the Interior Kempthorne: But did you know about the President's Initiative that during the next decade we're going to invest over a billion dollars in to parks? It's going to allow us to spruce up the parks and we're going to bring on new park rangers.

What? No! No politics! I don't care what the president does, I just want to watch Barney!

That particular line sets off a while story about Barney and Miss Beazley becoming Junior Park Rangers, which is cute in itself, but rather tainted by the political advertisement above. Boo. But Barney saves the day while dreaming about being a Junior Park Ranger and having Alan Jackson and Tony Blair ("As someone born in Edinburgh, Scotland, it's always good to see the Scots doing well.") congratulate him. Yay!

However, there is something I'm curious about: exactly how did Tony Blair get to be in this video? Was he hanging around the White House, bored, and manage to beg his way on set? It's just such a random guest appearance.

Maybe the Brits don't want him back. Ooh, burn.

K.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Doom on Earth

Again, not a lot of time. But I'm sitting here watching the TV while typing my paper and Fearless Planet comes on. Here's a bit of my interpretation of the beginning narration.

"The Earth is breeding the most massive thing ever created. It is a master of reincarnation. Built out of destruction. A world of danger, violence, and fear. It is...

...

...

... The Great Barrier Reeeeeeeeeeef!!!!"

Remind me never to visit the Great Barrier Reef-- it sounds like it might bite off my foot and revel the resulting gore, uttering a great, reef-like roar of primal fury.

I wonder what a reef roar sounds like.

K.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I Hate Finals

I'm currently in the midst of working on a 15-page paper, the longest educationally-related document I've ever written. Dear G-d, I want to die.

That is all.

K.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

To the Fruit Flies in my Drain

This was my last day of poetry class and I must admit, I was seriously disappointed. That was the only class that I looked forward to this semester. As soon as we got rid of those grad students (who were smarter and way more talented than we were), we became free to just write, to make fun of ourselves, to experiment. After class ended, a girl that I became friends with and I stayed in the classroom, just talking. We eventually ended up at a coffee shop for about an hour and a half. I don't know why we hadn't done that before.

Anyway, here is the last poem I wrote during class. It's just a free-writing and was supposed to be an ode, so it's kind of silly.

To the Fruit Flies in my Drain

You're a flicker in my eye,
the blink of a dark star on the spacious
white of my ceiling.
Great red eyes-- a gene experiment
in my own leased laboratory.
I've seen you soar out from my sink,
minuscule angels from a drainpipe
nursery, bent on flying
whoknowswhere.
You've perched on my eyelids
as I read,
snuggle on my pillow
as I sleep,
lounge in the misty sauna,
as I shower.
O, my little squatters,
my illegal aliens,
the least you could do is pay half of the rent.

Ah, they have to go!

K.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

It's Science!

I'm Nicola Tesla! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

K.

What a Sad People We Are

I won't be telling my family that I did this, but I will admit it to my blog.

As a Chanukah present to myself, I signed up for JDate. While I was doing it, I was muttering, "I can't believe I'm doing this. Dear G-d." But then I puttered about and noticed that there were quite a few cute guys my age and my type. Where are these people in real life?

Then one profile made it all so clear. One of the guys said that his mom wanted a "nice Jewish girl," so there he was. Ah, the same reason we were all sent to Jew camp. Good thing to know that mom's influence never fades.

K.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Gettin' Me a Shrimp n' Banana Cocktail!

I was looking through my Scotland pictures today to see if I could find an appropriate desktop background (I was feeling particularly nostalgic), when I came upon this:


Yes, it's a bag of candy shrimp and bananas. What the hell, Scotland? Seriously, this is something I would expect to find in downtown Tokyo, not two blocks away from the University of Edinburgh! And what sort of candy genius decided that shrimp and bananas are a match made in heaven? He/she needs to be sacked.

The scariest thing: we know what the banana shapes are going to taste like, but what about the shrimp??

I'll leave you to ponder that for a while.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Procrastination Station

I've been blowing through book left and right lately. In fact, since I put up the "What I'm Reading Now" thing on the right-hand side of my blog, I have changed the middle book three times. It doesn't make sense that I am reading so much at this time of the year-- I have papers due, finals to stress about, and one really evil professor to try and impress. And yet, I shouldn't be all that surprised. Historically, I avoid work by either sleeping or reading. Reading often works better for me than sleeping, because while stress can keep me away for hours, stress in fact drives me to read.

It's cliche to say, but books are an escape for me. The sad fact is that if I'm engrossed in a book, people have a hard time reaching me. I remember once in elementary school, I was busy reading while my teacher was taking roll. She called my name five times before I snapped out of whatever fog I was wandering through and answered her. Surprisingly, she wasn't mad at all for this inconvenience; to her, this was a sign of my English majoriness to come. Oh, little did she know.

Another story, slightly more embarrassing perhaps, is when I managed to read myself out of a bedroom door. Instead of cleaning my room (which was always-- and still is-- a mess), I was lock my door and pick up whatever novel happened to be lying around. Well, eventually my parents caught me and decided that I didn't deserve the privacy. So they took the hinges out from my bedroom door, leaving it propped up against my wall and my doorway open to the elements. Not that this stopped me from avoiding tidying up, but it certainly wore down my patience when I had to stomp to the bathroom every time I had to change clothing.

Frankly, this reading thing as been a blessing and a serious albatross around my neck. I can't stand the temptation. In fact, I've just finished a paper and, though I still have other assignments to do, I am going to take a hot shower, read for an hour, then go to sleep. I'll regret it when I'm sleep-deprived and crying into my laptop later in the week.

K.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The Kitchen Nightmare of My Dreams

It became clear to me that I had been watching too much of "Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares" (the American version, unfortunately) when I had a dream about being best buds with Gordon Ramsey. He was convinced that I was a pretty good cook (in this dream, I hadn't poisoned myself with bad chicken as I had in reality), which totally had me on the gushing fangirl train. It probably does not bode well for me that I have half-crushes on older guys who scream at people. I sense that my self-esteem is going to take a beating in the future.

Stay out of my dreams, Gordan Ramsey!

K.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

I Did It?



Well, we all know that I had to miss a day because of my internet outage, but, judging by this badge, "doing it" means that I had to post thirty times in thirty days. And I did. One day I posted twice. Count 'em. Thus, through thorough rationalizing, I've come to realize that I deserve this badge, dammit. I worked my butt off.

So there.

K.