You have proven that we can stand up to our written promises-- our Declaration, our Constitution, and our Bill of Rights-- that all men (and women) are created equal.
We're not there yet. We still see crushing poverty in the streets and racism in our halls of government. We are not all equal-- not nearly.
But, damn, we are getting closer. What's next? Women in the White House that step out of the high heels of First Lady-hood and into the power suits of the presidency? Jews standing behind the presidential seal with confidence? Dear Lord, if only.
If only.
K.
PS. Senator McCain, I have to respect you for your concession speech. You had a tough road to follow throughout this race-- your supporters had to battle the accusations of racism when really they simply differed in opinion from Obama supporters. There is no winning in that situation. You were gracious and calming to a clearly unhappy crowd. You recognized the historical implications of this night. I have often disliked you (though a year ago, I would have voted for you), but you are a true American that only deserves my respect.
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Oh hey, Alain Bernard...
Gonna smash the Americans, are we? I'm going to put this as eloquently as I can: suck it.
Also, Michael Phelps should be kissing Jason Lezak's 32-year old feet. Seriously.
K.
PS. I love the Olympics!
Also, Michael Phelps should be kissing Jason Lezak's 32-year old feet. Seriously.
K.
PS. I love the Olympics!
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Sorry, but that's my opinion
There's incredibly poisonous smog in the air.
One American murdered and explosions in the west.
An opening ceremonies pretty much produced by slave labor.
There's quite a bit to criticize the Chinese for as the 2008 Beijing Olympics begin. But talk to an ordinary Chinese person, listen to how proud they are to be able to host the world at the most unifying event on the planet... then tell me that there is nothing to praise about these Games.
And that's all that I have to say.
K.
PS. Good on ya, Mike. One gold down.
One American murdered and explosions in the west.
An opening ceremonies pretty much produced by slave labor.
There's quite a bit to criticize the Chinese for as the 2008 Beijing Olympics begin. But talk to an ordinary Chinese person, listen to how proud they are to be able to host the world at the most unifying event on the planet... then tell me that there is nothing to praise about these Games.
And that's all that I have to say.
K.
PS. Good on ya, Mike. One gold down.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Red, white, and the blues
I surprised myself the other day by asking my dad if we could have a "real" 4th of July this year.
I'm not sure what I meant by that.
What I'm confused about is that the comment came out sounding like an impatient American child with immigrant parents. Could we save the hummus/chopsticks/beans and rice for another day? Can't we act like an American family just this once?
I suppose that I have been a stranger to July 4ths in a conventional sense. Up until last year, I spent most Independence Days at Jew Camp-- a dreamy bastion of foreignness in the middle of Confederate Flag-waving Maryland. Not that Jew Camp didn't celebrate the holiday. Far from it. That particular days was swarming with campers wearing redwhiteandblue, patriotic sing-alongs after a barbeque lunch (kosher, of course), and the invariable Americana kids show in the evenings. But beneath of all this star spangled fervor ran a faint sense of desperation, the sweaty scent of someone trying too hard. The lengths we went to celebrate the 4th the "correct" way made the celebration awkward in itself.*
After I left Jew Camp, I spent the next 4th in summer school in an effort to graduate college on time (you see how that worked out). Aside from a mountain of American-themed cupcakes in the dining hall, it was like the national holiday didn't exist.
All of this brings me up to this year and that squeezing feeling in my chest that I wasn't doing this "American" thing right. No fireworks, no party, and no thought of a barbeque until I practically begged my father to grill some hot dogs for me. Circumstances didn't help, either. My parents are self-employed, so even though it was a Friday, there was no sense of a long weekend. The sky remained stubbornly overcast and weather steamy, punctuated by occasional rain. My father insisted I make Israeli salad for our barbeque, which ruined the American theme I had been going for, and then promptly forgot to grill the hot dogs I had asked for.
It's stupid and ridiculous for me to complain about this. There are people in this country who legitimately have a right to feel left out of America and carry the air of "foreigner" around with them, no matter how hard they try to assimilate. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, unaccented me-- I can do pretty much anything in this country without being hassled or questioned. I have no right to feel like the 4th passed me by without me feeling that surge of warmth and belonging. Do I?
K.
*There was this one time (before I spent 4ths there as a camper) that things got a little weird. The director at the time, a gentile, was a Confederate Civil War re-enactor along with her husband. For some reason, they decided that July 4th would be a great time to have a "Confederate Day." A lot of weird things happened at Jew Camp, but that was one that only happened once.
I'm not sure what I meant by that.
What I'm confused about is that the comment came out sounding like an impatient American child with immigrant parents. Could we save the hummus/chopsticks/beans and rice for another day? Can't we act like an American family just this once?
I suppose that I have been a stranger to July 4ths in a conventional sense. Up until last year, I spent most Independence Days at Jew Camp-- a dreamy bastion of foreignness in the middle of Confederate Flag-waving Maryland. Not that Jew Camp didn't celebrate the holiday. Far from it. That particular days was swarming with campers wearing redwhiteandblue, patriotic sing-alongs after a barbeque lunch (kosher, of course), and the invariable Americana kids show in the evenings. But beneath of all this star spangled fervor ran a faint sense of desperation, the sweaty scent of someone trying too hard. The lengths we went to celebrate the 4th the "correct" way made the celebration awkward in itself.*
After I left Jew Camp, I spent the next 4th in summer school in an effort to graduate college on time (you see how that worked out). Aside from a mountain of American-themed cupcakes in the dining hall, it was like the national holiday didn't exist.
All of this brings me up to this year and that squeezing feeling in my chest that I wasn't doing this "American" thing right. No fireworks, no party, and no thought of a barbeque until I practically begged my father to grill some hot dogs for me. Circumstances didn't help, either. My parents are self-employed, so even though it was a Friday, there was no sense of a long weekend. The sky remained stubbornly overcast and weather steamy, punctuated by occasional rain. My father insisted I make Israeli salad for our barbeque, which ruined the American theme I had been going for, and then promptly forgot to grill the hot dogs I had asked for.
It's stupid and ridiculous for me to complain about this. There are people in this country who legitimately have a right to feel left out of America and carry the air of "foreigner" around with them, no matter how hard they try to assimilate. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, unaccented me-- I can do pretty much anything in this country without being hassled or questioned. I have no right to feel like the 4th passed me by without me feeling that surge of warmth and belonging. Do I?
K.
*There was this one time (before I spent 4ths there as a camper) that things got a little weird. The director at the time, a gentile, was a Confederate Civil War re-enactor along with her husband. For some reason, they decided that July 4th would be a great time to have a "Confederate Day." A lot of weird things happened at Jew Camp, but that was one that only happened once.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Not So Revolutionary Thoughts on "John Adams"
I just finished watching the first episode of the new HBO ministry "John Adams"* and found myself pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure what I was expecting-- I grew up on the 1956 movie "Williamsburg: Story of a Patriot" from my multiple trips to the Colonial Williamsburg visitors center. It was from this film that I learned that men should not be trusted to choose ladies hats unattended, George Washington could crack a walnut between his thumb and forefinger, and the meaning of the word "pusillanimous" from that most brilliant orator, Patrick Henry**. My second Revolutionary film staple was "1776," in which I learned that Philadelphia was mighty warm that summer ("It's ninety degrees/Have mercy, John, please/'Cause it's hot as hell in Philadelphia!"), that John Adams was "obnoxious and disliked" ("Did you know that?" "I hadn't heard."), and that Mrs. Jefferson found ol' Tom's violin mighty sexy. Pretty unimportant stuff, over all.
Frankly, I'm ashamed to admit that when I picture John Adams, it's as William Daniels (aka Mr. Feeny from "Boy Meets World"). In reality, John Adams looked more like this. And between Paul Giamati and Daniels, I think Giamati has the look down a little better. Instead of the trim, nattily dressed little man from "1776," we see Adams as pudgy and with a receding hairline beneath his wig. Giamati plays him as a dispassionate man searching for justice, whether it be for his own New Englanders or representatives of the Crown. A man who refuses to choose a side until he feels that basic human dignities have been wronged. A man, in short, that we could sorely use in today's world.
The show doesn't present the Revolution we learned in elementary school. Instead of the murder of innocent Bostonians, the Boston Massacre is portrayed as instigated by a violent mob and the soldiers as scared boys who are far from home. Later, a customs officer is stripped naked, then tarred and feathered. I found this scene particularly horrific. I'm not sure what I expected-- how could I not realize that to be tarred means to having molten liquid poured on the bare skin and hardening to a shell? It seems to obvious to be now. I remember being back in elementary school learning about the practice and thinking how silly that sounded, like a bit of fun. Who wouldn't laugh at a guy covered in feathers being carried out on a log like some absurd parade float? But the agonized arch the man's body made as his skin sizzled beneath the tar has banished those airy thoughts altogether. I trust I will not be abused for admitting that I cried a little.
I think this show has something to say about our times-- that not everything is black and white. This may be the most obvious of observations, but it bears mentioning. We hear about events in far away places and it is easy to place sides in tidy boxes of right and wrong. Indeed, passion makes it even simpler to smudge the line between truth and fiction to fit a certain viewpoint. Perhaps we should be a bit more like John Adams and take the time to scrutinized both sides, witness both the beautiful and terrifying nature of each issue before making a choice. Some choices seem instinctual, but is there really a difference between instinct and primitive urges? Isn't rational thought the thing that makes us most human?
This is quite disjointed, but this blog was never meant to present precise arguments or coherent thoughts. I save those for graded assignments.
I look forward to the next episode when Adams ventures to Philadelphia. And I swear to G-d, if there is singing, someone is going to die.
K.
* This is not a review; I suck at that game.
* *The phrase "Are we so meek and pusillanimous?" became my favorite line for a period of about three years during my elementary school career. It made me very popular on the playground.
Frankly, I'm ashamed to admit that when I picture John Adams, it's as William Daniels (aka Mr. Feeny from "Boy Meets World"). In reality, John Adams looked more like this. And between Paul Giamati and Daniels, I think Giamati has the look down a little better. Instead of the trim, nattily dressed little man from "1776," we see Adams as pudgy and with a receding hairline beneath his wig. Giamati plays him as a dispassionate man searching for justice, whether it be for his own New Englanders or representatives of the Crown. A man who refuses to choose a side until he feels that basic human dignities have been wronged. A man, in short, that we could sorely use in today's world.
The show doesn't present the Revolution we learned in elementary school. Instead of the murder of innocent Bostonians, the Boston Massacre is portrayed as instigated by a violent mob and the soldiers as scared boys who are far from home. Later, a customs officer is stripped naked, then tarred and feathered. I found this scene particularly horrific. I'm not sure what I expected-- how could I not realize that to be tarred means to having molten liquid poured on the bare skin and hardening to a shell? It seems to obvious to be now. I remember being back in elementary school learning about the practice and thinking how silly that sounded, like a bit of fun. Who wouldn't laugh at a guy covered in feathers being carried out on a log like some absurd parade float? But the agonized arch the man's body made as his skin sizzled beneath the tar has banished those airy thoughts altogether. I trust I will not be abused for admitting that I cried a little.
I think this show has something to say about our times-- that not everything is black and white. This may be the most obvious of observations, but it bears mentioning. We hear about events in far away places and it is easy to place sides in tidy boxes of right and wrong. Indeed, passion makes it even simpler to smudge the line between truth and fiction to fit a certain viewpoint. Perhaps we should be a bit more like John Adams and take the time to scrutinized both sides, witness both the beautiful and terrifying nature of each issue before making a choice. Some choices seem instinctual, but is there really a difference between instinct and primitive urges? Isn't rational thought the thing that makes us most human?
This is quite disjointed, but this blog was never meant to present precise arguments or coherent thoughts. I save those for graded assignments.
I look forward to the next episode when Adams ventures to Philadelphia. And I swear to G-d, if there is singing, someone is going to die.
K.
* This is not a review; I suck at that game.
* *The phrase "Are we so meek and pusillanimous?" became my favorite line for a period of about three years during my elementary school career. It made me very popular on the playground.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
??????? in '08!
It seems that the only thing that NPR can talk about these days is the New Hampshire primary results, which results in a bad headache for me. All this does is rub in that my vote in Pennsylvania primaries might actually matter this time around and that I have to re-register.
Because PA can't have open primaries, oh no. No, they make us choose a party, guaranteeing another few years of propaganda and door-to-door visits from local candidates with that particular frozen perma-smile. I'm still getting slick campaign ads from the time I turned Republican for a primary, even though I was trying to make sure a candidate that I don't mind was going to get the nomination over a royal douchebag. The Santorum mail was unbelievable.
But it's not just that I have to pick a party-- I have to pick a candidate. My uterus is telling me to vote for Clinton, my heart for Obama, and my brain for McCain. It's unfortunate that to have my body parts take sides, especially since my crush John Edwards is trying to elbow in on Obama territory. Obama/Edwards-- what a delicious ticket that would be.
Sometimes it's hard to be more moderately inclined. Here I am, the pro-choice, anti-war, pro-gay marriage feminist liberal, awkwardly trying to balance my hawkish pro-Israel stance, plus the uneasy feeling about pulling out of Iraq too soon and leaving a vacuum of power. When I travel, I easily express my disappointment in the current government, but fly into a quiet and private rage when a non-American puts down my country too vigorously. All I want to do is to fit in somewhere-- and the proposed visions of American coming from the candidates don't seem to come complete with a Kate-shaped hole.
As much as I'm tired of hearing about the New Hampshire primaries, I am gratified to hear that McCain won the on the Republican side; his victory knocks Huckabee from the top-runner slot. If the GOP nominates Huckabee, then I will be forced to vote for whoever the Democrats put up, even if it's someone who I'm not particularly comfortable with. A salted slug for president would be better than an uber-religious politician.
The primaries would be so much easier if someone put out a version of the Star Wars Guide to the Candidates, which would be language I can understand. Oh, wait. Somebody has. The Ron Paul entry is particularly apt.
K.
PS. Well, at least The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are back. Sort of.
Because PA can't have open primaries, oh no. No, they make us choose a party, guaranteeing another few years of propaganda and door-to-door visits from local candidates with that particular frozen perma-smile. I'm still getting slick campaign ads from the time I turned Republican for a primary, even though I was trying to make sure a candidate that I don't mind was going to get the nomination over a royal douchebag. The Santorum mail was unbelievable.
But it's not just that I have to pick a party-- I have to pick a candidate. My uterus is telling me to vote for Clinton, my heart for Obama, and my brain for McCain. It's unfortunate that to have my body parts take sides, especially since my crush John Edwards is trying to elbow in on Obama territory. Obama/Edwards-- what a delicious ticket that would be.
Sometimes it's hard to be more moderately inclined. Here I am, the pro-choice, anti-war, pro-gay marriage feminist liberal, awkwardly trying to balance my hawkish pro-Israel stance, plus the uneasy feeling about pulling out of Iraq too soon and leaving a vacuum of power. When I travel, I easily express my disappointment in the current government, but fly into a quiet and private rage when a non-American puts down my country too vigorously. All I want to do is to fit in somewhere-- and the proposed visions of American coming from the candidates don't seem to come complete with a Kate-shaped hole.
As much as I'm tired of hearing about the New Hampshire primaries, I am gratified to hear that McCain won the on the Republican side; his victory knocks Huckabee from the top-runner slot. If the GOP nominates Huckabee, then I will be forced to vote for whoever the Democrats put up, even if it's someone who I'm not particularly comfortable with. A salted slug for president would be better than an uber-religious politician.
The primaries would be so much easier if someone put out a version of the Star Wars Guide to the Candidates, which would be language I can understand. Oh, wait. Somebody has. The Ron Paul entry is particularly apt.
K.
PS. Well, at least The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are back. Sort of.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Barney Cam 2007-- My Tax Dollars at Work
I'm not being particularly original when I say that I'm not a big fan of the current administration. Sure, there are some things that I support, but not many. However, there is one thing that I'm eternally grateful to the White House for...
Barney Cam.
Yes, Barney Cam. I am a sucker that cute little Scottish terrier and his Christmas shenanigans. I giggled when he was discovered playing poker with Ari Fleischer while he was supposed to be decorating the White House ("Ari Fleischer? You don't even work here anymore!") and I scolded while he did all he could to outshine Miss Beazley during her first Christmas.
This year was no different, though I was a little disappointed to see politics brought into it. For example:
Secretary of the Interior Kempthorne: But did you know about the President's Initiative that during the next decade we're going to invest over a billion dollars in to parks? It's going to allow us to spruce up the parks and we're going to bring on new park rangers.
What? No! No politics! I don't care what the president does, I just want to watch Barney!
That particular line sets off a while story about Barney and Miss Beazley becoming Junior Park Rangers, which is cute in itself, but rather tainted by the political advertisement above. Boo. But Barney saves the day while dreaming about being a Junior Park Ranger and having Alan Jackson and Tony Blair ("As someone born in Edinburgh, Scotland, it's always good to see the Scots doing well.") congratulate him. Yay!
However, there is something I'm curious about: exactly how did Tony Blair get to be in this video? Was he hanging around the White House, bored, and manage to beg his way on set? It's just such a random guest appearance.
Maybe the Brits don't want him back. Ooh, burn.
K.
Barney Cam.
Yes, Barney Cam. I am a sucker that cute little Scottish terrier and his Christmas shenanigans. I giggled when he was discovered playing poker with Ari Fleischer while he was supposed to be decorating the White House ("Ari Fleischer? You don't even work here anymore!") and I scolded while he did all he could to outshine Miss Beazley during her first Christmas.
This year was no different, though I was a little disappointed to see politics brought into it. For example:
Secretary of the Interior Kempthorne: But did you know about the President's Initiative that during the next decade we're going to invest over a billion dollars in to parks? It's going to allow us to spruce up the parks and we're going to bring on new park rangers.
What? No! No politics! I don't care what the president does, I just want to watch Barney!
That particular line sets off a while story about Barney and Miss Beazley becoming Junior Park Rangers, which is cute in itself, but rather tainted by the political advertisement above. Boo. But Barney saves the day while dreaming about being a Junior Park Ranger and having Alan Jackson and Tony Blair ("As someone born in Edinburgh, Scotland, it's always good to see the Scots doing well.") congratulate him. Yay!
However, there is something I'm curious about: exactly how did Tony Blair get to be in this video? Was he hanging around the White House, bored, and manage to beg his way on set? It's just such a random guest appearance.
Maybe the Brits don't want him back. Ooh, burn.
K.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
What You Can Do
While puttering around my traditional blogosphere route, I came upon yesterday's post by Irina over at The IgNoble Experiment. Irina muses a little over the war and mentions that a fellow blogger, The Bow-Tied Blogger's Thomas, was now in Iraq. One of her commenters mentioned that it was all very well to say "Support the troops," but what can we specifically do? That got me thinking, so I've been searching a little while for ways to show your support, not for the war itself, but the troops.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am firmly undecided on anything and everything. Both sides of the congressional aisle anger me almost everyday and I have within drawn from politics in general. However, my views on the war are pretty set. My goal here is not to sway anyone in any direction. It is my opinion that the troops should not suffer the anger we direct at our government. As I said on Irina's blog, you cannot blame the cogs for the mistakes of the machinist. All I want to do it to bring some options to your attention so you can make your own decisions on how you wish to show your support.
Soldiers' Angels- This organization sends letters and packages to soldiers overseas, most of whom don't have anyone to write to them. If you have the funds, you can adopt a soldier with the understanding that you will send him/her a letter per week and at least one care package per month. I particularly like this organization because, when I was a camper, I adored letters and packages. It made me feel like someone was thinking about me. I can't imagine what a letter must mean to a kid so far from home.
Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund- Donating money to this charity will provide financial assistance to marines and sailors suffering from injuries or life-threatening illnesses. Money will also go to help pay for specialized equipment, such as handicap vans and modifications to homes.
AnySoldier.com- This is much like Soldiers' Angels, but without the commitment. The organizations have contacts within the army who distribute packages and letters to those who don't receive mail. There is also AnyMarine.com, AnySailor.com, AnyAirman.com, and AnyCoastGuard.com.
National Military Family Association- With a monetary gift to the NMFA, you can send a child of a deployed soldier to camp, help soldiers' spouses get scholarships for college, or many other forms of assistance. The NMFA can apparently also use volunteers to work at the headquarters. So if you have the time and money, this is a worthy cause.
The Fisher House™ Program- This organization provides comfortable homes near military and VA hospitals so that family can always be nearby to a person in need.
Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund- Money donated to this organization will go to support the families of fallen soldiers. The money recently went to a state-of-the-art medical center in Texas.
Jewish War Veterans of the United States- JWV is running the SOS Programs, which sends care packages to Jewish servicemen and servicewomen . The packages are distributed by the chaplain attached to the unit.
Alright, there are a bunch of charities to show your support for our troops overseas and at home. Please, if you have any other charities that you'd like me to mention, leave a comment and I will post it.
K.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am firmly undecided on anything and everything. Both sides of the congressional aisle anger me almost everyday and I have within drawn from politics in general. However, my views on the war are pretty set. My goal here is not to sway anyone in any direction. It is my opinion that the troops should not suffer the anger we direct at our government. As I said on Irina's blog, you cannot blame the cogs for the mistakes of the machinist. All I want to do it to bring some options to your attention so you can make your own decisions on how you wish to show your support.
Soldiers' Angels- This organization sends letters and packages to soldiers overseas, most of whom don't have anyone to write to them. If you have the funds, you can adopt a soldier with the understanding that you will send him/her a letter per week and at least one care package per month. I particularly like this organization because, when I was a camper, I adored letters and packages. It made me feel like someone was thinking about me. I can't imagine what a letter must mean to a kid so far from home.
Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund- Donating money to this charity will provide financial assistance to marines and sailors suffering from injuries or life-threatening illnesses. Money will also go to help pay for specialized equipment, such as handicap vans and modifications to homes.
AnySoldier.com- This is much like Soldiers' Angels, but without the commitment. The organizations have contacts within the army who distribute packages and letters to those who don't receive mail. There is also AnyMarine.com, AnySailor.com, AnyAirman.com, and AnyCoastGuard.com.
National Military Family Association- With a monetary gift to the NMFA, you can send a child of a deployed soldier to camp, help soldiers' spouses get scholarships for college, or many other forms of assistance. The NMFA can apparently also use volunteers to work at the headquarters. So if you have the time and money, this is a worthy cause.
The Fisher House™ Program- This organization provides comfortable homes near military and VA hospitals so that family can always be nearby to a person in need.
Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund- Money donated to this organization will go to support the families of fallen soldiers. The money recently went to a state-of-the-art medical center in Texas.
Jewish War Veterans of the United States- JWV is running the SOS Programs, which sends care packages to Jewish servicemen and servicewomen . The packages are distributed by the chaplain attached to the unit.
Alright, there are a bunch of charities to show your support for our troops overseas and at home. Please, if you have any other charities that you'd like me to mention, leave a comment and I will post it.
K.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The Other Candidate, The Right Choice
It's only a little after four and you still have plenty of time to get out there and vote!
What? You don't want to? But how could that be?
Oh, politicians. Yeah, I understand. I mean, Republicans are of a corrupt sort and even if Democrats take control of Congress, they wouldn't know what to do with it. It does seem pretty hopeless for the average American.
But, you know, there are other choices. Sure, there are several names on the ballot, but have you taken a look below them. See it? Yep, right there-- "write-in candidate." Pretty cool, huh?
However, just because you have the freedom to doesn't mean you should waste your vote! Vote for someone with a plan! Vote for someone with principles! Vote for someone with charisma!
Vote for me!
What? Why are you laughing? Don't you take me seriously? You haven't even asked me about my platform and you're already discounting me? Oh, what a sad state our country is in.
Listen, I have great ideas! In fact, I guarantee you that I can solve America's international relations nightmare as quick as you please. I have a plan that simply cannot fail. Are you ready for it?
Wooly socks.
Yep, wooly socks. Just hear me out. I promise that this is great stuff.
Why is everyone so mad at each other? The answer is simple: we're all worried and over-stressed. And we all know that stressed people are unreasonable. Now, follow me with this one. Pretend it's a cold day, you've just come home from work after having to struggle to get your car started, and you've found that the roads are near impassable. Now you flop down into a comfortable chair and pull on... what? Oh yes, some wooly socks. What happens then? Why, of course, your stress flees under the unstoppable onslaught of the warm wooly sock. You instantly relax and are able to think clearly.
Now, think about this on a large scale. We sends crates and crates of these wooly socks to Russia, China, and North Korea. They put them on. They instantly become more open to negociation. Pretty cool, huh?
My opponents might scoff at this plan. How, they ask, can we possibly appease those in hot countries with wooly socks? Won't this make them even crankier? Well, if you insist on thinking inside the box, this is a perfectly logical point. However, I already have that covered. You see, for our friends in warmer climes, we simply provide them with wooly sweat bands. I don't know of anything more irritating than trying to get work done while sweat stings your eyes. We may find that the Middle East is a friendlier place when we provide them with a sting-free existance.
My international relations plan is inspired, but I think that you may find my domestic issues plans just as spectacular.
What do we complain about most here? That's easy: a lack of jobs and a failing economy. How do we fix this? Why, with new employment created by the rising wooly socks and sweatbands industry. We need people to shear sheep, card the wool, work the knitting machines, and inspect the results. Money and jobs for everyone!
So, as you enter the booth on this fine Tuesday, please keep in mind that you are not limited to those names written on the ballot. Remember me, your wooly textiles candidate! Victory in 2006!
K.
What? You don't want to? But how could that be?
Oh, politicians. Yeah, I understand. I mean, Republicans are of a corrupt sort and even if Democrats take control of Congress, they wouldn't know what to do with it. It does seem pretty hopeless for the average American.
But, you know, there are other choices. Sure, there are several names on the ballot, but have you taken a look below them. See it? Yep, right there-- "write-in candidate." Pretty cool, huh?
However, just because you have the freedom to doesn't mean you should waste your vote! Vote for someone with a plan! Vote for someone with principles! Vote for someone with charisma!
Vote for me!
What? Why are you laughing? Don't you take me seriously? You haven't even asked me about my platform and you're already discounting me? Oh, what a sad state our country is in.
Listen, I have great ideas! In fact, I guarantee you that I can solve America's international relations nightmare as quick as you please. I have a plan that simply cannot fail. Are you ready for it?
Wooly socks.
Yep, wooly socks. Just hear me out. I promise that this is great stuff.
Why is everyone so mad at each other? The answer is simple: we're all worried and over-stressed. And we all know that stressed people are unreasonable. Now, follow me with this one. Pretend it's a cold day, you've just come home from work after having to struggle to get your car started, and you've found that the roads are near impassable. Now you flop down into a comfortable chair and pull on... what? Oh yes, some wooly socks. What happens then? Why, of course, your stress flees under the unstoppable onslaught of the warm wooly sock. You instantly relax and are able to think clearly.
Now, think about this on a large scale. We sends crates and crates of these wooly socks to Russia, China, and North Korea. They put them on. They instantly become more open to negociation. Pretty cool, huh?
My opponents might scoff at this plan. How, they ask, can we possibly appease those in hot countries with wooly socks? Won't this make them even crankier? Well, if you insist on thinking inside the box, this is a perfectly logical point. However, I already have that covered. You see, for our friends in warmer climes, we simply provide them with wooly sweat bands. I don't know of anything more irritating than trying to get work done while sweat stings your eyes. We may find that the Middle East is a friendlier place when we provide them with a sting-free existance.
My international relations plan is inspired, but I think that you may find my domestic issues plans just as spectacular.
What do we complain about most here? That's easy: a lack of jobs and a failing economy. How do we fix this? Why, with new employment created by the rising wooly socks and sweatbands industry. We need people to shear sheep, card the wool, work the knitting machines, and inspect the results. Money and jobs for everyone!
So, as you enter the booth on this fine Tuesday, please keep in mind that you are not limited to those names written on the ballot. Remember me, your wooly textiles candidate! Victory in 2006!
K.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Pax Romana?
As I finished watching "Rome" today, I got to thinking about world events. I don't know, I guess shows about political intrigue, notions of empire, and the installation of dictators just seem to remind me of today's worldwide political climate. Like it or not, we live in interesting times. We see countries traditionally viewed as enemies procuring nuclear arsenals, tyrants being sentenced to death, and bands of "freedom fighters" out-manuovering powerful governments flashed across the TV screen everyday. It's certainly not boring.
Whatever your view on things, I suggest that you click on my link above and watch "Rome." The acting is amazing, the dialogue is interesting, and the lessons it teaches still relevant today. However, may I suggest that you not watch this at work? That is, unless, your boss has a thing for full-frontal Marc Antony scenes.
Apologies for a crappy post. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say after the elections tomorrow.
K.
Whatever your view on things, I suggest that you click on my link above and watch "Rome." The acting is amazing, the dialogue is interesting, and the lessons it teaches still relevant today. However, may I suggest that you not watch this at work? That is, unless, your boss has a thing for full-frontal Marc Antony scenes.
Apologies for a crappy post. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say after the elections tomorrow.
K.
Monday, September 11, 2006
The Obligatory September 11th Post
As I'm always the blogger who jumps on the bandwagon the second after a wheel pops off its axel, I think I'll continue the tradition by posting a 9/11 piece three hours before 9/11/2006 ends. Why mess with tradition?
Anyone who doesn't know will probably be very turned off by the lines above. They might even quickly backtrack, vowing never to venture into this den of depravity again. Who writes such a flippant introduction to a September 11th article?
I don't mean to be so callous. I really don't. I remember perfectly where I was when the dreadful event occurred, my confusion, and my suspicion that everyone at school knew more about world events than I did. And I cried for those thousands of people. Then I raged. Finally, I accepted.
Five years later, I look back on the event and cannot seem to summon up the same intensity of feeling. The Towers were once there; now they aren't. The people were once there; now they aren't. I can only think of it in a black and white sense with no emotion to color the picture. I'm not totally sure why this happened to me, but I can venture a few guesses.
Having monitored the news for the last five years, I may have grown a little jaded towards the death of civilians. It's awful, I know. But when people are being blown up, shot, or massacred everyday, you have to build a cocoon around yourself to keep your sanity. If I mourned for everyone, I would be a shivering wreck, unable to go on with daily life. I feel that my cocoon protects me from the tragedies today, but it also prevents me from bring up past hurts, such as 9/11. I guess, deep inside, I don't want to feel anything because I'm afraid that I'll never be able to go on with my own life.
Something else that might make it impossible for me to adequately appreciate the significance of this day is the 2004 presidential election. No, not the outcome-- the fact that both parties bandied 9/11 about for their own political gains. Who are you, you scum-sucking scheming bastards, to exploit the deaths of thousands of people and the virtual paralysis of a nation for your own aims of gaining or keeping power? Who are you to play on the sympathies of your fellow Americans in order to garner votes? It just makes me sick. It also makes me wonder if such insensitivity and callousness made me lose the meaning of September 11th. I can only pray that my ability to feel isn't permanently retarded by politicians.
Finally, I come to probably the most prevalent reason: the simple passage of time. If I look down at my legs right now, I will find a bruise that has taken up residence on my body for a few weeks. When I got it, it must have hurt like a bitch, but now I can barely remember what caused it. It's just a splotch of color now; it no longer hurts. Maybe 9/11 is the same way. Five years has just made the pain fade away.
I know I build up these defenses to make myself a stronger person, but I wonder if losing my ability to empathize is making me weaker in the long run. I have a lot to think about.
K.
Anyone who doesn't know will probably be very turned off by the lines above. They might even quickly backtrack, vowing never to venture into this den of depravity again. Who writes such a flippant introduction to a September 11th article?
I don't mean to be so callous. I really don't. I remember perfectly where I was when the dreadful event occurred, my confusion, and my suspicion that everyone at school knew more about world events than I did. And I cried for those thousands of people. Then I raged. Finally, I accepted.
Five years later, I look back on the event and cannot seem to summon up the same intensity of feeling. The Towers were once there; now they aren't. The people were once there; now they aren't. I can only think of it in a black and white sense with no emotion to color the picture. I'm not totally sure why this happened to me, but I can venture a few guesses.
Having monitored the news for the last five years, I may have grown a little jaded towards the death of civilians. It's awful, I know. But when people are being blown up, shot, or massacred everyday, you have to build a cocoon around yourself to keep your sanity. If I mourned for everyone, I would be a shivering wreck, unable to go on with daily life. I feel that my cocoon protects me from the tragedies today, but it also prevents me from bring up past hurts, such as 9/11. I guess, deep inside, I don't want to feel anything because I'm afraid that I'll never be able to go on with my own life.
Something else that might make it impossible for me to adequately appreciate the significance of this day is the 2004 presidential election. No, not the outcome-- the fact that both parties bandied 9/11 about for their own political gains. Who are you, you scum-sucking scheming bastards, to exploit the deaths of thousands of people and the virtual paralysis of a nation for your own aims of gaining or keeping power? Who are you to play on the sympathies of your fellow Americans in order to garner votes? It just makes me sick. It also makes me wonder if such insensitivity and callousness made me lose the meaning of September 11th. I can only pray that my ability to feel isn't permanently retarded by politicians.
Finally, I come to probably the most prevalent reason: the simple passage of time. If I look down at my legs right now, I will find a bruise that has taken up residence on my body for a few weeks. When I got it, it must have hurt like a bitch, but now I can barely remember what caused it. It's just a splotch of color now; it no longer hurts. Maybe 9/11 is the same way. Five years has just made the pain fade away.
I know I build up these defenses to make myself a stronger person, but I wonder if losing my ability to empathize is making me weaker in the long run. I have a lot to think about.
K.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Lay Off the Thrills, Buddy
I was going to start my series of entries about Jewish summer camp, but I got seriously distracted by current events. No, not Zarqawi or bombings in Israel or Tropical Storm Alberto-- Ben Roethlisberger.Yep. That Ben Roethlisberger.
For those of you not up on American football news, Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback Roethlisberger was involved in a motorcycle accident a few days ago (Sports Illustrated has a full list of the player's injuries). Roethlisberger has been upgraded to "fair" condition, which bodes well for his recovery to playing condition. The franchise has yet to determine his career future.
Frankly, I don't care about his playing ability. Sure, I'm a Pennsylvanian and I cheered for the Steelers during the Bowl, but whether the kid can ever throw a ball again isn't foremost on my mind. What does irritate me, however, is the fact that Roethlisberger was not wearing a helmet. Not only that, he is not even licensed to operate a motorcycle in the state of Pennsylvania!
Listen up, athletes. You sign contracts for millions of dollars per game with huge franchises for the express purpose of entertaining millions of fans. The football fanatics turn up to games, buy your jerseys, which provides billions of dollars to the franchises. So, in all but the legal sense, you, as a professional football player, are owned by both football fans and franchises. You are obliged to not take such idiotic risks. It is irresponsible not to.
So, Mr. Roethlisberger, I suggest that you think very carefully before taking anymore unnecessary risks. Your value to any professional team with drop precipitously if they believe that they can't count on you. Advertising spots will dwindle away as your bench time exceeds your playing time. Finally, even your fans will abandon you to follow bigger and brighter prospects.
Sounds peachy, right?
Sorry to be harsh, but the sooner you find that out, the better.
K.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Spying for the Man
My father is an international security consultant who specializes in information brokering. When I tell my friends what my Dad does, they whistle, impressed: "Wow, your father's a spy!"
Whee hee hee.
Not quite, but his job is pretty cool. Sometimes I sit and listen in on his business calls, interested in just how he gets his information. He has a pretty unique network, which includes several international sources in Africa, Europe, and the Middle East. And now... me!
Well, sort of. See, I offered my post-university-pre-camp time to him, presenting my research skills, my persistence, and my laptop. I would allow him to boss me around for a mere pittance. Eagerly, he accepted and immediately put me to work looking up English-language jihadist websites located within the United States.
Jihadist websites? I thought, plopping myself down in front of the Google homescreen. Easy and interesting! Type in "jihad," add a little "Islam," and websites will pop up easy-peasy. After all, Neo-Nazi and KKK sites are easy to find, so why not violent anti-Americans?
Go on, type in those keywords into Google. I'll wait.
Find something? I'm sure you did. In fact, you found 10,300,000 somethings. See anything to suggest a website run by jihadists within America? If you did, you must be seeing something that I'm not.
I found websites defining jihad (the real jihad, not the convoluted definition that extremists use), JihadWatch (normally very useful, but not today), and sites/blogs raving on about the entire world's population of Muslims wanting to crush the West (bullshit). No jihadists.
So I tried to get a little more specific. I tried adding "American" to the mix, then "destroy," then "Detroit." No luck. After two hours of scouring the web and only picking up bits and pieces, I stumbled upstairs to confront my father.
"Dad," I frowned, "these sites don't exist. Not in English, anyway."
"Yeah, they do."
"Nuh-uh."
"I know they do. Go look again. That's what I'm paying for."
"Ugh!" I stomped back to the computer and stared at the screen. Finally, I began typing again. Here's what I searched for:
Destroy American dogs
I had always heard translations of terrorist speeches referring to Americans as "dogs" in order to dehumanize them. Unfortunately, Google cheerfully provided me with sites on how to euthanize my pitbull.
Murder Americans
Err, not what I'm looking for.
Al-Qud
You know they are making a pair of jeans specifically for Muslims to store gear in during prayer? Called Al-Qud jeans? I didn't know that either.
Ask.com: How do I kill Americans?
And they say that Ask.com has all of the answers!
So, I haven't found any sites about radical Muslims hating Americans. That was a bust. But I did find a load of sites about Americans hating Muslims. All Muslims.
Pathetic. Pretty soon we'll be running all Muslims-- good, bad, or indifferent-- out of our American cities with pitchforks and buckets of tar. Brilliant.
Before we complain about the hate others feel towards us, perhaps we ought to address our own deep-seated hatred towards those who have never harmed us.
K.
PS. Sorry for the crappy, cranky, unorganized post. Things will improve, I promise.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Decisions Alabama Needs to Make
Oh dear.
Alabama Candidate's Views Startle Democrats
Let me quote the first line of this article:
Say what?
The article goes on to say that, currently, this man has managed to receive 12% support in the coming into the June 6th primary. His opponent has 21% support, but two-thirds of the respondents to the pole were undecided.
Undecided?! Undecided?!
Undecided about a man who denies the Holocaust? Undecided about a man who advocates white supremacy?
Oh, Alabama voters. You had better get real "decided" real quick.
K.
PS. Update: My preggers pepper, it turns out, actually had triplets. Mazel tov!
Alabama Candidate's Views Startle Democrats
Let me quote the first line of this article:
"BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - Democratic Party leaders are wondering what to do about a candidate for attorney general who denies the Holocaust occurred and wants to "reawaken white racial awareness." "
Say what?
The article goes on to say that, currently, this man has managed to receive 12% support in the coming into the June 6th primary. His opponent has 21% support, but two-thirds of the respondents to the pole were undecided.
Undecided?! Undecided?!
Undecided about a man who denies the Holocaust? Undecided about a man who advocates white supremacy?
Oh, Alabama voters. You had better get real "decided" real quick.
K.
PS. Update: My preggers pepper, it turns out, actually had triplets. Mazel tov!
Saturday, April 08, 2006
An Observation a Little Late in Coming
Does the US government ever kick themselves for going after Iraq when the country next door is/was conducting the "Holy Prophet War Games?"
Just wondering.
K.
Just wondering.
K.
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