An open letter to the politicans now leaving Pennsylvania

Dear politicians,

Well, another polling day over and another spotlight fading on our great state. I'm in class, but I've been spying on the CNN website for about half an hour now. Clinton is projected to win.

I'm not sure whether I like that PA is so often invaded by politicians. Sure, I've gotten to see the likes of John Edwards, John Kerry, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama over the years, but the visits seem insincere. Tomorrow, they'll all be gone, like a one-night stand picked up from a truck stop who gives you herpes, vomits all over your bathroom, and is gone in the morning, leaving you to clean up and apply the ointment. You might look back fondly on the encounter in your weaker moments, but the persistent itching in no-no places brings you back to your senses.

So, goodbye, politicians! I'll be half-praying that we won't be a swing state this year so you don't dirty our bedsheets again.

Love,

K.

A Series of Political Letters

Dear Chris Matthews,

Surprisingly, you seem really nice in person. I've always thought that you are a bit of a douche on your show, but you are actually kind of cool. You have a great rapport with the audience, which I wasn't expecting. You even brought your daughter up on stage to meet Obama-- pretty cool.

Now, to business-- Chris, let me tell you, are those seriously hardball questions? Man, Obama has answered all of those questions twenty times over and he's not going to say anything new. Make him sweat, make him think. The man is terribly clever and he can totally handle it. I just would have liked to hear things that haven't been repeated over and over in the media.

Also, can you talk to your colleagues at MSNBC for me? When I came back from the show, I happened to stumble across a discussion with those talking heads, discussing the WCU taping. You were gushing about how he connected to the students, then they deleted your screen and started talking about Obama's dismal performance at the western PA bowling alley. Can he connect with the +50 voters if he can't bowl blah blah blah? Geez, guys! I don't think anybody would have given it a second thought if you all hadn't blown it all out a proportion! Honestly, I find that silly failures like that humanizing. Remember when Dubya fell off the Segway? To me, it made him seem less like an elitist asshole and more like a guy who has issues with technology. I'm still not his biggest fan, but I can at least admit that. Can we just give it a break and get back to the issues? kthanx

Sincerely,

K.


Dear Barack Obama,

I'm still undecided, but I think you did a great job. Granted, you had a few too many softball questions, but you are a consummate showman and worked this crowd of college students like a rented mule. I thought girls (and guys) were going to throw their panties up on stage.

My only complaint is that you spoke so quietly-- up here in the nosebleed seats, we heard about every fourth word. Again, not really your fault. You don't use speech volumes when you're on a question and answer program. Still :(.

Sincerely,

K.

I Got a Crimson Ticket!

For someone who is saying that she is undecided, I certainly made quite a statement when I stood for two hours in the rain to get Obama tickets. In my defense, I quietly deflected Obama lackeys who wanted me to commit now by letting me know that I haven't made a decision-- which earned me some dirty looks. Whatever, there were Republicans behind me. Go bother them.

After a bone-chilling wait in the misty weather, I finally seized ticket number 319. I can't find my camera, so here is a reasonable facsimile of the "crimson" ticket:

And by "reasonable," I mean horrific.

Tune in on Wednesday, April 2, at 5 PM to MSNBC's "Hardball" to see me try to ask Obama a question. No, seriously, there are things I need to know!

K.

Obama Update

Confirmed!

Chris Matthews (MSNBC) is interviewing Obama at the West Chester University campus. Look for me, I'll be the one sobbing like a little girl.

K.

Squee!

Obama + my campus + secrecy = I'm sooo there!

K.

PS. Still not sure if I'm voting for him, but he has the voice of an angel.

Taken Out of Context

Again, a quick note as I am in the computer lab waiting for my lunch date to show up.

I was in my Power, Politics, and Propaganda class about half an hour ago where we had just received a hand-out about tropes and figures of speech. In addition, we were given Obama's speech that he made in Philadelphia yesterday and told to analyze it for the rhetorical points we had just discussed. After we were given five minutes of reading time, we splintered into groups.

Having read and underlined bits of the speech, I turned around, confident that I would be able to discuss the piece in rhetorical terms. Unfortunately, my group never really made it that far.

"I didn't even read the damn thing," the boy behind me declared, almost proudly. "I can't stand that man." I tittered nervously, hoping to avoid a political discussion at nine in the morning, but the kid continued on, comparing Obama to Kennedy and prophesizing the candidate's clash with Russia. "Mark my words," he said, "we'll be at war with Russia in four years."

Alllllllllllright.

"Well, that aside, it was a good speech," I ventured.

"He's so charming and manipulative." This was said with a grimace of disgust. "And he's only a junior senator. I could be a junior senator tomorrow, if I wanted to!"

"Abraham Lincoln was only a junior senator," I murmured, but he ignored me. He continued on a tirade about the faults of Obama for another minute and a half. Then, as if he had forgotten something, he quickly blurted out, "Vote for Hillary."

Wait a second. Something was not right here. So I sat back, identifying tropes in the neglected speech while training my ears on his one-sided conversation. His politics didn't fit his political endorsement. A wait-and-see attitude about the war, conflicts with Russia, absolutely no mention of Hillary's record or political claims (despite throwing in a plug for her every so often)... this didn't fit the profile of a typical Hillary support, much less a Democrat.

It's my opinion that if I looked in the College Republicans' roll book, I would find this kid's name there. It makes quite a bit of sense that the Republicans on this campus feel that Hillary would not get elected if she fought directly against McCain. Therefore, it would be in their best interest if Clinton won the nomination. Ohhhhh, son, I have your number.

This blatant manipulation irritated me, but not as much as a political shouting match at a time when my brain was barely functioning. So I tried to push him away from politics and towards the speech.

"We can take this thing out of context and just analyze it. Can we please just do that?"

"You can't take it out of context," he huffed. "The context makes all of the difference!"

"No, it doesn't. Look at this part where he is repeating 'we can blah blah blah... we can blah blah blah"-- I just identified it as a rhetorical device without using the political part of the sentence!"

More blustering from him. Long story short, we never did get to analyze the speech.

I'll be so glad when this election year is over.

K.

PS. I'm still undecided, by the way. Pray that I can make a decision before April.

Sorry to Interrupt, But...

Suck it, Huckabee! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

On the other hand, now I have no idea who to vote for in the PA primaries. At least there was always voting against the Huckster, but now I have to actually make a decision. Dammit, Super Tuesday, why did you fail me?

K.