Things That Will Be the Death of Me

• Netflix
• Sending out resumes
• Cleaning my room-- and my apartment
  
• Staying awake during NDS working hours
• Keeping up with my Bloglines list
• A possible membership of the Internet Writing Workshop (anyone want to join me?)
• The parakeet and her impossible demands
• Staying out of PSP business now that I am no longer an active member
• The red tape of graduating

K.

Scattered Thoughts: Produced by frustration

I had another post earlier, but the formatting nearly killed me. So, for lack of any more brain cells to put together something coherent, another Scattered Thoughts.

• I had my second day of training at National Department Store (NDS), which focused primarily on an unintentionally hilarious workplace harassment video focused on "sweater puppies" and drunk Irish jokes. Then I learned about how you have to "give the customer the pickle." Retail is weird.

• While taking the bathroom trashcan out to the curb tonight, the wind caught a pantyliner wrapper and blew it down the street. I had to chase it, which didn't help my self-esteem.

• I found my parakeet asleep on her side the other day. Thought she was dead for a second, then she sat up and looked at me like I was doing something unnatural.

• Another weird thing-- I saw a chipmunk eating a worm. What the hell is up with that?!

• No news on the career front. I've been told that I just have to keep going, which is obviously true. After all, I don't want to be stuck at my parents' house forever. But throw me a bone, people! I'll work for peanuts!

K.

Top Ten Things That Could Be Causing My Illness

10. A mix-up in medications (which is probably the correct diagnosis)

9. An overdose of toast and English muffins.

8. Too much emo over a lack of interesting television.

7. The stress of thinking of new lists to post for the month of March (notice how late this one is?)

6. An acute lack of parakeet playtime

5. Sitting in front of the microwave for a full hour while my matzah ball soup thawed (radiation!)

4. Blood clot from worrying whether I got published

3. Poisoning from the make-up I used to become an awesome Bowie-esque glam rocker on Friday

2. The price of fresh fruit these days

1. Inhalation of Febreze fumes

K.

Just a "Tweet" Transvestite

As some of you know, I am the proud owner of a parakeet. Tookie holds a firm place in my heart, if only because of his incredibly skilled attempts at taking apart his cage. If he had been born a human, he would have easily achieved a Master's in Engineering.

Having said that, I ask you to take a look at the picture above. After a good long study, read over the paragraph below. Notice the discrepancies?

Anyone with the least amount of parakeet experience can tell that I've been using the wrong pronoun here. Judging by Tookie's cere (the bit of flesh right above the beak), "he" is actually a "she."

However, I just can't change the pronoun so quickly. Tookie has been a "he" for about six months now and just because he decided to change "his" cere color now doesn't mean I can suddenly get comfortable with a lady bird.

Mom, in some part to humor me, has termed the bird a transvestite.

And that I can live with.

K.

PS. The Simpsons had a wonderful episode about the idiocy of the primaries. Geez, if Ralph was really in the race, he would totally have my vote. (Keep an eye out for a Jon Stewart cameo. Sigh.)

In a Burst of Uncreativity...

One of the reasons I get so cranky at school is because I'm without my cranky little featherball, Tookie. My apartment doesn't allow pets and I think a parakeet would be very difficult to hide.

So, in honor of the little guy who chews on my hands makes and me smile even when I feel like I'm going to throw up, this post is for him.

(Apologies for phoning it in today-- still not feeling well.)









K.