Top Ten Things That Could Be Causing My Illness

10. A mix-up in medications (which is probably the correct diagnosis)

9. An overdose of toast and English muffins.

8. Too much emo over a lack of interesting television.

7. The stress of thinking of new lists to post for the month of March (notice how late this one is?)

6. An acute lack of parakeet playtime

5. Sitting in front of the microwave for a full hour while my matzah ball soup thawed (radiation!)

4. Blood clot from worrying whether I got published

3. Poisoning from the make-up I used to become an awesome Bowie-esque glam rocker on Friday

2. The price of fresh fruit these days

1. Inhalation of Febreze fumes

K.