Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Bachelor's Degree in Campus Observation

Observation #1: A certain WCU department isn't doing its job.

Even though we here at WCU have a Holocaust Studies department, I don't think that anything was done for Yom HaShoah. If they did, they certainly didn't advertise. Shakespeare's birthday got more press (read: one flier).

Observation #2: The RAs are getting lazy.

Every Resident Assistant is expected to have several socials throughout the semester with the commendable intention to get this residence hall to act like a loving community. However, as the semester draws to a close, the RAs who haven't fulfilled their requirements are getting panicked. Instead of coming up this a creative and exciting way to get the residents together, these RAs are falling back on college student ambrosia: free food.

Let me set the scene...

Nine o'clock at night, Tuesday night. A loud click and the sound of someone manhandling the loud speaker's microphone.

"Attention Killinger Hall residents. Join RA So-And-So in the basement for FREE ice cream/pizza/cookies/hot dogs/Italian ices/cupcakes/fried chicken/soda/Mac n' Cheese/cake/baba ganoush right now!"

The announcement ends, leaving a palpable silence throughout the hall. In each room, the occupants raise their heads and sniff the air. The call to feed has been issued.

Like the undead rising from their dank crypts in some zombie movie, the college students stumble down the halls of Killinger, mouths slack and eyes vacant. Some will not survive the journey and will be left behind to be trod over by their fellow residents. The lucky few, most likely imbued with the inhuman powers of caffeine, crowd around RA So-And-So, who is blocking access to the reason for the trek, the ultimate goal.

"Before you eat," she smiles sweetly, holding out a sheet of paper, "could you sign this, please?"

The horde barely glances at the paper. Those in front quickly snatch the sheet from the RA's hand, scribbling their names with a blunt pencil. This task complete, the swarm descends upon the free food. The process takes only a few minutes.

Once the food supply is exhausted, the residents drag themselves back to their rooms, remnants of the ice cream/pizza/cookies/hot dogs/Italian ices/cupcakes/fried chicken/soda/Mac n' Cheese/cake/baba ganoush smeared on their faces. More enterprising individuals smuggle some illicit vittles back to their rooms and store them away for leaner times.

Meanwhile, RA So-And-So clears up the remains of her social, a smug expression on her face. A social that should have cost her time and effort (things more valuable than the pitiful amount of money spent on the food) has been completed in five minutes. Excellent.

Bad RAs for praying on the weaknesses on college students for their own gain.

Observation #3: Sometimes, integration fails miserably here.

The Black Student Union was having a BBQ on the residential quad today, which was open to students of all races. Does that prevent a color divide? Well, the volleyball game was made of exclusively of whites while the basketball game featured only blacks. You decide.

Those are all the observations for today.



  1. Nicole11:50 PM

    lmao, nice zombie imagery

  2. I was going for accuracy. ;)